You Weren’t My First

I wish I could tell you
that you were my first, but
you weren’t. I can’t imagine
what it would mean to you
to know that you were the first,
the first to promise me pleasure,
then to deliver me pain as you entered me
and ripped my insides out, leaving me
feeling empty. The blood staining
my sheets and my hands is nothing new.

I know you’re waiting for me to
tell you that I never loved another like
I love you. And you want me to say
that what we share is magic, something
that could never be felt between two
other people. But lies don’t build fires
and there’s nothing to be gained by trying
to build a fire with kindling drenched
with my tears. No, you weren’t my first.

You were not the first to sell me a love
that could not hold the fullness of me
cuz you were only interested in filling yourself,
so your love was full of holes. You weren’t
the first to take my love and use it as a
weapon to damage me. And you weren’t
the first to look past me, trying to find value
in anyone but me. I know you’re waiting
to hear that you were my first. That you’re
hoping the blood on my sheets means
you took me where no other person took me,
but I have to be straight with you,
you weren’t my first. There have been
many before you. Many who used my feelings
like a samurai sword to try and kill me.
The blood will continue to flow and
stain my sheets and cover my hands.
Cuz no you weren’t the first
to try and kill me. And you won’t be
the last.

Peace & Love,
Rosalind

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About Rosalind Guy

I'm broken & my soul is weary/ my weary soul rebels, fights/ anything & anyone who tries to heal me/I beat my head against a wall of memories/ trying hard to break free from the chain of memories/ I can only be free by saying it so/ i weave a necklace from words and finally/ I find freedom/ free free free. As you can see, words are powerful to me. As Maya Angelou said, words are wallpaper of the soul. I have lots of nightmarish memories that threaten to break me, but I learned a long time ago about the power of words. They can be used to heal and destroy anything that threatens to destroy the person. Words coupled with love have the power to save and heal. I am author of three books: Skinny Dipping in the Pool of Womanhood, Tattered Butterfly Wings, and Blues of a Love Junkie. I am a high school English teacher. I am a former reporter. I am a mother. I am a woman. I am a fierce advocate for those who cannot speak for themselves, those who's voices go unheard. Check out my Amazon author page at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Rosalind-Guy/e/B00BGH5F88/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1432491754&sr=8-1.
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