There are some today who will take to social media to try and control or passively attack those single mothers who have, for some reason, decided to adopt Father’s Day as a sort of secondary acknowledgement of all the hard work they put into raising their children alone. To those people, I would like to say: We don’t need you to remind us that we are not fathers. (I don’t celebrate father’s day because I know that I am not a father.) We are reminded on the football fields when we are always the one sitting on the sidelines cheering. When we are always the only one there. We are well aware that we are not men when we are the one sitting up in the hospital emergency room and we watch couples sitting together calming down their hurt kid, together. Or when we go to our child’s school for every parent teacher meeting, alone. Or when we are the one who has to have “the talk” with our sons because there is no one else to do it. We don’t need a reminder that even though our children’s fathers chose not to take an active role in raising our children, for whatever reason, we chose to hang in there and give our all. Even finding reserves of strength and energy to try and make sure that our children don’t feel cheated or feel like they are missing something by not having a father around.
Somehow people have decided that any idea that goes against what they believe is wrong. And that’s simply not true. A kid deciding to tell his mother Happy Father’s Day should take nothing from the celebration of the fathers who choose to show up in their children’s lives. Every day. Believe me, we all appreciate those men and salute them. And I, for one, hope that any woman who is blessed enough to have such a man goes overboard to let that man know how he is appreciated. Do it up big for him. Take him to his favorite place for dinner. Fix him breakfast in bed. Give him dessert in the middle of the day when he’s least expecting it. Stare into his eyes and allow him to see the appreciation and love you have for him.
There are very rare occasions where women choose to parent alone. For the most part, women choose to parent alone because the father decided to check out of the scene completely. And, yes, it is a choice to be an effective single mother. Don’t fool yourself into believing that being a single mother is not difficult. It is. Yet there are those of us who choose to continue to give our all even after our plans to be a part of a family fall apart. We didn’t choose to make this situation what it is and we surely cannot fix it alone. We need men to step up and be a part of their children’s lives even when the relationship doesn’t work out with the mother. We need women to stop using their children as pawns in an attempt to win and make some overarching point because she’s bitter or upset that it didn’t work out with the dad. We need a society-wide call to arms for all fathers to step up and be a part of their children’s lives. Not single mother bashing. That will fix nothing.
I am not saying that people should tell single mothers Happy Father’s Day, I’m simply asking what’s it to you if someone does choose to do it. How does that take away from your father’s day celebration in any way? Cause, truth be told, it shouldn’t.
Happy Father’s Day. Period.
I don’t have a poem for today. I only have my words and that’s going to have to be enough because sometimes I don’t even have those.
Peace & Love,