My Life in a Crumbling House

I can’t keep pretending
that your detached interest
in creating distance
where it never existed before
is just another way of loving
me. The truth of the matter is
I’m more familiar with seeing
and feeling “not loving me”
so please don’t ask me
to keep trying to see
what doesn’t exist.

The much easier truth,
the one I actually can see
I’ve spent years
chasing a love that
for me
is ill-fitting. And now
I’ve entered my last days
&
I’m no longer willing
to keep chasing
loves that aren’t form-fitting.

I refuse to keep squeezing
into too-little love or oversized love
all the while pretending
it was made just for me.
You had me completely fooled
once
but I’ve been fooled before
my heart burdened
by the transparent lies & disguises
of bag men who pretended
to be men
in love with me.

Truth is
my life is a crumbling house
of decisions played like cards
that never were mine
to begin with.
And now I’m held hostage
in a crumbling house of lies
watching through the bars
as life goes on
and I’m still stuck
believing in fairy tales &
learning to wear
lies that were never meant
to fit me.

Peace & Love,
Rosalind

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About Rosalind Guy

I'm broken & my soul is weary/ my weary soul rebels, fights/ anything & anyone who tries to heal me/I beat my head against a wall of memories/ trying hard to break free from the chain of memories/ I can only be free by saying it so/ i weave a necklace from words and finally/ I find freedom/ free free free. As you can see, words are powerful to me. As Maya Angelou said, words are wallpaper of the soul. I have lots of nightmarish memories that threaten to break me, but I learned a long time ago about the power of words. They can be used to heal and destroy anything that threatens to destroy the person. Words coupled with love have the power to save and heal. I am author of three books: Skinny Dipping in the Pool of Womanhood, Tattered Butterfly Wings, and Blues of a Love Junkie. I am a high school English teacher. I am a former reporter. I am a mother. I am a woman. I am a fierce advocate for those who cannot speak for themselves, those who's voices go unheard. Check out my Amazon author page at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Rosalind-Guy/e/B00BGH5F88/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1432491754&sr=8-1.
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