I usually try to avoid posting twice in one day, but, eh, what the hell?
There’s a world of difference between loving a person and valuing them. I could value your contributions to an overall effort without loving you. And I can love you because I do, without necessarily valuing you because maybe there’s some part of you I disagree with. Either way, there’s a difference between the two.
I read an article last week, one of those first-person point of view articles, where a man discussed why a man will leave a woman he loves. The most important thing, the author wrote, was value. A man has to see value for you in his life. That stuck with me because I came to this conclusion a while ago about romantic relationships, period. To make a long story short, I was in a relationship with a person who loved me but did not value me. So, he liked having me around but he didn’t give a damn about necessarily keeping me around. This caused us to have many arguments about the same thing over and over again. My most embarrassing moment from that relationship involved us playing bits of songs for each other. I chose songs that were about real love and commitment and, well, he chose songs about differences and how sometimes they can be too much to overcome. In other words, I was arguing for our relationship and he was arguing against it. Sadly, I didn’t leave after that. But, thankfully, I did eventually. And in one of those “I see you Universe” twist of fates, he claimed to see value in me after I left him and wanted me to give him another chance. I couldn’t though because I didn’t see him the same. I wasn’t willing to fight for us anymore. I’d fought so long alone that I was worn out.
Madea said it best when she said, we mess up when we commit to people we never were intended to be with. We earn our badges of honor, going through the fires of hell alone, with someone who could take us or leave us. So, I’ve been meditating today on the way lives cross and wires cross creating chaos in the place where love was once thought to reside and came up with the poetic exchange below. Of course, the Mysterious Poet Dude contributed his two cents.
I’d never hurt you
You’re hurting me now.
Pain ignites your Hope.
Pain steals my Hope.
Hope denies death by blind Faith.
But you’re hurting me still.
I hope you’re happy because
you are the magic
in which I believe.
I looked at you & saw magic
I had no idea your greatest act
would be to Disappear.
When a person shows you
who they are, believe them.
Where am I now?
Lost within a thought of what
could’ve been, trying to catch
up to what’s losing me.
My soul reached out to you, tried
to hold you, was confused when you
turned away. What else could I do
but turn away too?
Love is our chaos. Chaos is
our life. What is normal? Btw
who came up with that word in the
first place? Are any of us normal?
Or should we just call everyone chaos?
Loving you was never chaos because
it was so easy to do. Loving you
gave my heart reason to beat, my
words reason to be spoken, my eyes
a reason to see.
And the hurt you feel now
is not from the Love thief.
It’s hurt that comes from your very
existence, gives you the ability to pour
your vivid soul into the pool of life
as you live to speak about your
intimate experience with a love searching
to be shared while constantly being
disrupted by the timekeeper of your insanity.
Could this be an illusion then, the
vision I see of the timekeeper of insanity
strangling me, leaving me struggling to
breathe and wondering if time is running
out for me?
Peace & Love,
P.S. Hug someone you love tonight and let them know you love them. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us though we always like to live like we have forever. Do it for me, okay? Okay.