Lying in the crook of my mother’s arms
I listened as she weaved a story for me.
She told me about scary monsters
who are so vicious they leave
scores of mutilated bodies and
terrified little girls who become afraid
of their own shadows so they
end up hiding in their rooms
underneath their covers
afraid to leave their place of safety
for fear of meeting a monster.
Monsters don’t hide in plain sight she told me
So I searched under the bed and in closets
I avoided cold and musty attics
I would sleep with night lights burning
I refused to go in the kitchen after midnight
but I never knew to search beyond the words
you claimed were truth
I hesitated to search too deeply
for meaning in your dark and smiling eyes
But choosing blindness didn’t prevent me
from seeing the monster who’d been
living beside me.
I’ve never been good at slaying beasts
yet somehow I foolishly believed
my love could tame
the carnival of your desires.
There was even a time when I
longed to be enclosed by your love
to be held captive by your needs,
but now I just want to be free
from the clutches of agony.
I just want to be able to sleep at night.
I want to be free from this prison
that together we built for me.
But foolishly I’m still searching for monsters
under the stairs and in the back of closets
while ignoring the monster staring back at me.
Peace & Love,
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