The blood-drenched earth calls out to me
I can hear my name being whispered from
the unmarked graves. I want to answer
but fear paralyzes me. I am afraid,
fearful that my ancestors will see right through me.
I am a fraud; I do not know what I’m doing here.
I’ve spent years trying to find my way but
I continually end up lost, creating unbridgeable
distance between myself and those around me.
Could it be that my love is damaged? The blood
calls me so it must be me it wants.
A wall of ashes rises to greet me when I try to find me
Voices from within the fire call out to me, they wail loudly
I sense their pain down deep in my bones
The fire will not grant me rest so I move on warily.
It’s my battle alone. I walk the earth, always searching
for a home different from the one inside me.
There are days when the pain of longing is unbearable
and I can’t continue to hide in the shadows of my pain.
The sadness I carry in my soul begins to leak
from all my broken places. In this battle to love freely
but still remain whole, I’m losing. It’s a deadly battle.
Grief and longing for mother nature who birthed me
sends me back to the earth which once held me, kept my bones
from rattling. The voices from the grave beg me to just let go.
Madness pursues me and as I’m running away trying to escape
I look down and see where I’ve been carved into pieces,
pieces of my skin flap in the wind as I try to outrun me.
And blood seeps from the open wounds I’ve carried
for more than an eternity. I have lived twice before and each time
I somehow choose to ignore the voices calling out to me.
I foolishly believed Love would save me. There is no salvation
not for people like me. My ancestors have been trying to tell me this
all along. I failed to heed their voices. And now I have been flung
into the fiery ashes of my ancestors; I will be forced to repent
for making Love my god when Love never agreed to serve me.
Love never died for me. Instead Love left me dead among
the bones of those who died for Love before me.
The blood-drenched earth calls out to me. It calls me by my name.
The blood is telling me it’s time for me to return home.
I cannot keep running. Death will one day capture me
and take me home to live among the bones of my ancestors.
Peace & Love,